By Chas Smith
Wild times.
Surfboards have been turned into controversialthings, wall hangers, street signs, catwalk accessories,but none more controversial than a CyberTruck. Manhattan Beach’sBrad Jacobson took to FacebookMarketplace in order to announce, “I’m selling acustom CyberTurck surfboard which was built for me to use in one ofmy YouTube episodes. It’s not officially licensed by Tesla but isan actual surfboard. The upper shell was built using carbon fiberso it’s light but sturdy. It was surfed for my episode and it fitsin my 4runner. Dimensions: 6’10 / 29.5.”
The craft was listed for $2000 United States dollars and sold inunder 20 hours.
The aforementioned YouTube episode, released one month ago andclimbing past 3,000 views, shows the craft is actually not asurfboard but rather a SUP.
Manhattan Beach, as you know, is home to SUP enthusiast andformer World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. He was ruthlessly fired ina one word sentence whilst the tour was in Brazil last year. He hassince embarked on an influencer career.
Do you think he is the happy new owner?
More importantly, what if you saw the CyberTruck SUP coming atyou, one fine day, whilst you were out straddling your boring oldhigh performance thruster? Would you good-naturedly chat up itspilot or sneer and angry sneer and yell something anti-ElonMusk?
What are your thoughts on the CyberTruck, specifically, andTesla, in general?
Wild times.
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By Chas Smith
Barbarian days.
It is officially September first, in SouthernCalifornia, and the ocean is flat. It is generally good, this timeof year, or getting good with summer crowds sent off andhemispheric storms pushing swell toward the Golden State’s bottomthird.
Malibu’s iconic First Point currently a sickening 0 – 1 ft, andyet the sand is a’ bustle with surfers waxing boards, un-coilingleashes, pretending to gaze over the horizon, looking for “waves,”making surf talk with others pretending to gaze over the horizonlooking for “waves.”
In truth, these derelicts are hoping to catch a glimpse of theDutch-Palestinian supermodel Bella Hadid who has been prancing onthe shore wearing what Page Sixdescribed as a “a skin-colored triangle top and matching side-tiebottom.”
Other sources characterized it as “nude.”
But do you recall the wayback times when surf competitions wereaccompanied by bikini contests?
Did you participate in that baldfaced sexism, standing in theaudience with a cold Bud Light, hooting, whistling, drooling asteenaged girls trotted across stage for the viewing pleasure ofboozed adult men?
Barbarian Days.
Hadid, in any case, was with friends, her cow poke boyfriendAdan Banuelos nowhere to be seen giving the aforementioned surferssome faint hope that they would be noticed. Alas, it appears theywere not.
Happy Labor Day.
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By DerekRielly
"My right kneecap was shattered into 15 pieces andlost most of its protective skin. Right elbow and forearm gottotally smashed, with multiple bones snapping through myflesh."
Eight days ago, one of the better men in the game,surfer-writer-broadcaster Jesse Faen, was critically injured whenhis motorcycle collided with a car doin’ a U-turn on LincolnBoulevard, an eight-mile cord of bitumen near Santa MonicaBay in Los Angeles County.
It was the morning of his fiftieth birthday party, so hell of atime to get thrown into intensive care when there’s a tablegroaning under the weight of vodka High Noons.
“He was immediately rushed tothe hospital and soon after in the operating room for 11 hoursreconstructing his leg and both arms,” Jesse’s baby mama JessieSamedi wrote in a post. ” It went well as he had an amazing team ofdoctors and seems there will be more operations and procedures inhis near future.”
Today, Jesse gave an update on his condition. It ain’tpretty.
Hey all, been laying in this bed for 8 days now, after anear fatal motorcycle accident with my mate @alwiderand just wanted to keep things real. It’s been tough.
Grateful to be alive, in the of care of incredible surgeons,nurses and hospital staff at UCLA, and have escaped so manyheavier, almost expected outcomes. It could have been lights out.Instead, I never lost consciousness during the intense collision,slow agonizing moments which followed on the road, chaoticambulance ride to the emergency room, extensive full body X-rays,or confusing time before being rolled into the operating room foranesthesia and ultimately another chance. My right kneecap wasshattered into 15 pieces and lost most of its protective skin.Right elbow and forearm got totally smashed, with multiple bonessnapping through my flesh. Left wrist also felt the brunt, breakingin numerous places and needed reconstructive surgery for nerves andligaments. Then there’s the huge muscular bruises and little cutsand scraps… more will be revealed.
Alain flew over the top of me and the driver who hit us,avoiding a similar impact thankfully, but still fractured 10 ribsand has more than his fair share of pain and hurdles tohandle.
Want to thank @avawar for so much. Showing up and staying atthe hospital day one, during some of the most painful moments andunknown fears. For taking Al under her wing at home, ensuring he’sas comfortable as possible during this ordeal… and basically doingher best to deal with way too many details and emotionalmatters.
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The surf world lit up Jesse’s IG.
Ozzie Wright: Love you so much Jesse praying for you and Al,what a nightmare I know your strength is so big that you will beshredding the ocean with your magical style in all kinds ofdisciplines before you know it, and being the best Dad ever !!!
PM Tenore: blessings your still on this side of the dirt – sendinglove and endless healing jesse – stay strong ❤️ —>
Barton Lynch: Mate Fark that is horrible to hear, I lost myfather in a motorcycle accident so feeling it and sending you allour healing energy for a complete recovery.
Dominic Purcell: I stole the pretzels and chocolates from yahospital ward……The uncles got gypsy, we’ll get her out in thewater. Rest up.
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Who you gonna trust? Bear Jew Biolos orlock-em-up Newsom?
By DerekRielly
Matt Biolos is a man of integrity whose surfboardsare a work of master craft, the attack and the interlock of eachboard unparalleled in the game
Four years ago, as the world reeled from a mysteriousvirus that had leaked out of a US-funded lab in China.beaches were closed, as was all commerce, and people were lockedinside their hovels with threat of jail and wildly punitive finesif they tried to get a little sand between their toes or refused anexperimental, and occasionally fatal, vaccine.
San Clemente’s shaper to the stars, Matt Biolo was one of thefew who refused to goose-step in line with California’sextreme-left governor Gavin Newsom.
And when Newsom, who virtually cuckolded our own ChasSmith in a horror cafe date some years ago and which sent our mandown a rabbit hole of weightlifting and calisthenics, sent ourpromo video to excite fans for Finals Day at Biolos’ home breakLowers, “Bear Jew” Biolos shucked all politesse.
“I think you all know this better than I do. Surfing isCalifornia’s state sport. And while no one… no-one… controlsthe ocean, it looks like she’s delivered,” says Newsom, apparentlyunaware he was burying himself under a tsunami of irony.
Anyway, Matt Biolos is a man of integrity whose surfboards are awork of master craft, the attack and the interlock of each boardunparalleled in the game with, perhaps, only the exception of theBasque-based Brazilian shaper JohnnyCabianca.
If you follow the fringe professional surfing movement, asadministered by a group called the World Surf League, you’ll knowthat the best in the game all ride Biolos’ …Lost surfboards.
Biolos’ riders on the CT include Olympic gold medallist CarolineMarks and Canadian teen sensation Erin Brooks, who just won theFiji Pro as a wildcard, world number two Griffin Colapinto, world#6 Yago Dora, rookie of the year Crosby Colapinto and Bells champCole Houshmand.
Also, Carissa Moore, Mason Ho etc etc etc.
Unsurprisingly, for the second year in a row, Biolos’ …Lostsurfboards have won the Vissla CT shaper rankings.
Sharp Eye fell a distant second, Pyzel, Channel Islands and DHDmopping up the lower rungs.
The winning team is a gifted a day at Surf Ranch.
Last year Biolos booked anextra day and opened the gate to all of his sixtyemployees.
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By Chas Smith
Moondiggity-dog!
Alarm had transitioned to sheer panic inSouthern California’s old-timey surfing community in recent weeks.San Onofre, you see, the iconic longerboard wave just south of SanClemente was set to be shuttered from their cross-stepping ways.That land is owned by the United States Navy and the Marine Corpbase of Camp Pendelton, who had leased it to California’s StateParks for many years. As happens with rents, leases, etc., though,they can expire and this one was set to do just that.
No more hanging ten.
Nor even five.
Well, just as the executioner’s blade was set to drop, a new20-odd year lease was signed which will kick hysteria down the roaduntil 2049.
Moondiggity-dog.
California Natural Resources Secretary Wade Crowfoot gushed,“San Onofre State Beach is a gem within our state parks system, abeloved beach with world-class surf breaks. We’re very glad thatthis new lease with the Navy ensures that the state beach continuesfor everyone’s enjoyment in decades to come. We’re thankful to theNavy and Marine Corps for their close partnership making thispossible and are proud to support Camp Pendleton and militaryinstallations across California as they advance our vital nationaldefense mission.”
Winking at the shoutout, ,” Brig. Gen. Nick I. Brown, commandinggeneral of Marine Corps Installations West at Marine Corps BaseCamp Pendleton, responded, “The renewal of the lease for the SanOnofre State Beach represents our continued commitment to ourcommunity and to the preservation of natural beauty and culturalheritage of the region. Our partnership with California State Parksenhances recreational opportunities for our community andstrengthens our shared dedication to environmental stewardship andresponsible land management.”
Rep. Mike Levin, D-Dana Point, wanting to get some shine, added,“I’m elated that we’ve reached a new long-term lease agreement thatensures Orange and San Diego County residents can continue toaccess and enjoy this beach and surf spot for years to come. Thisnew lease agreement is a win for the millions of annual visitors,for our military, for our environment, and for our community.”
And for old-timey surfers.
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